do you work?

Do you work? Someone asked me that this morning. I hate this question. When you're a Mom this question is filled with all sorts of assumptions. If you do work, then you're selfish or not capable of fully devoting yourself to your kids . If you don't your over protective or lazy, or just plain unambitious. Ok that's an over statement but it is part of the picture for most of us. I know when someone asks me I always feel like I want to explain why I don't. I want to give them my resume. Tell them all the things I know about. I'm well educated. I used to have a successful career. I worked my tail off while my husband was in med school and residency. I am not a trophy wife! My kids are really close together. We moved a year ago.

Why do we care. Why do I care. I am so proud of my kids. So proud of my choices. So why do I need the stay at home Moms to know I am in their club, as well as the working Moms to know I am an educated ex-career gal too. I used to say I resented the hype around whether a mom works or not. I still do to some extent, but I also know mostly, this is interenal. It's my own need to be everything to everyone. It's my own agenda to remind myself of who I am besides just a Mom. It's my own insecurity that makes the question - "Do you work?" so loaded for me. Not everyone elses fault.

seperation - it's a good thing

Well I am back at it again. My birthday resolution (back in July) was to start this blog and use it like a journal to vent etc. Just a way to take time to have adult thoughts mostly. Well I posted a few, then got busy and forgot. So I'm trying again.

My 3 year old started preschool this fall. It has been funand different for us both. I am a stay at home mom, so it is both fun to watch her gain independence, as well as strange to pick her up and not know what she did for 2 1/2 hours. Don't get me wrong I am not one of these Moms who cries at every mention of her baby. I wasn't sad to sign her up - in fact I think I was the first person to send in their registration. But Julia and I have spent lots of alone time together. I know every th0ught in her head and I think she knows the same about me. Thus the reason it is good for us both to watch her flourish with others around her. Like every Mom I think she is the smartest little thing in town. I wonder, if at school she is shy or awnsers questions. Does she stand in line when asked? Did she eat her snack? Yes I know I need to get a life. That's why seperation - it's a good thing.

misc stuff I like

Ok here is an eclectic mix of thoughts, quotes lyrics etc. I don't know why like them I just do. They touch me, they trigger a memory, they make me laugh, or inspire me.

"Love many things intensely because the measure of you as a lover is how deeply you love and how much"

"My highest aspirations are reserved for the future of my children." Julie Aigner-Clark


Memorable Quotes from Pulp Fiction
Vincent: I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so F'ing cool about them.

Mia: Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to become comfortable?

Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own faeces. Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces. Jules: I don't eat dog either. Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal? Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way. Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true? Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charmin' motherF'in' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?

I want more. How much more?
I want the fairytale. Pretty woman

Michael: Have I stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? Because excuse me if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you.Troy: There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.
Reality Bites

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Albert Camus

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo Burke

Is she the sort You've always thought Could make you What you're not? Is she bright, so well read? Are there novels by her bed? Is she the sort You've always said could satisfy your head? Does she talk The way I do? Is her voice reminding you, Of the promises The little white lies too Sometimes, tell me While she's touching you Just by mistakeAccidentally do you say my name? -Natalie Merchant "Jealousy"

I'm Nobody! Who Are You
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
- Emily Dickenson

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Hey but I don't care Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These...Years go by Will I still be waiting For somebody else to understand Years go by If I'm stripped of my beauty And the orange clouds Raining in head Years go by Will I choke on my tears Till finally there is nothing left One more casualty You know we're too easy Easy Easy. - Tori Amos "Silent All These Years"


I'm trying to tell you something about my life Maybe give me insight between black and white. The best thing you've ever done for me, Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all. Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable And lightness has a call that's hard to hear I wrap my fear around me like a blanket I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore. ......I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in crooked line. The less I seek my source The closer I am to fine. - Indigo girls "Closer to fine"

Remeber all things change, especially human relationships and to maintain them we must change with them.

Life comes in the form of opputunities that are easily recognized - once they've passed you by.

Keep the Faith - 2 Timothy 4:7

Opposite sides of nowhere
What are you fighting for?
I watch you through the window
As you hide behind the door.

Opposite angles
on a straight line.
That you quickly crossed
Not looking for the signs

Opposite sides of a wall
That you built around yourself
When you thought that you would fall
If you couldn't block the rain

Opposite reflections in a tear drop
That shows everything you hide
It's glowing with a sadness
Hidden deep inside. - jds


Broken memories shattered glass
Forgotten dreams love let pass

Eye catching color, turned to faded grey
But in a childs eye, there's hopeful gaze

Curiousity condemned by smothered wonder
Splendor drowned in constant thunder

Doubting but defending a thought misunderstood
Changing a life? do you think I should?

Crying eyes that have no tears
A scared child, that has no fears.

We called them all liars, but no one looked for the truth
So we lost the desire, now who will care? -jds

Reunion - a promise kept.

We've all heard friends make parting words - I'll never forget you, keep in touch, I'll miss you, we'll always be friends....
In most cases we do forget. Well, maybe we don't forget, but our lives get in the way. Before we know it time has passed. What used to be a casual hello phone call, now feels heavy and awkward. What if it's a bad time? What if they are upset about that unreturned phone call, the birthday I forgot, the wedding I missed? What if things have changed too much and I don't have anything to say? I can't think of a women who hasn't felt this same way or a man who hasn't found it ridiculous. Women have a strict criteria for friendships. Unfortunately it's the thing we yurn for most. No one can hold your hand when you are sad, celebrate with you when you are happy, or RANT with you when your angry, like a girlfriend can. Some of my best girlfriends have held my hair when I threw up after one too many drinks, lied for me on the phone, and even given a boyfriend of mine a piece of their mind after they broke my heart. Some of these very same people are no longer in my life. Not that I wouldn't love them to be but we just fell out of touch. No hard feelings - just time, careers, kids, miles...

This brings me to the real point of this blog. I think I hit the jackpot in 1987. A friend of mine back then had a party. More specifically, her mother threw her a surprise sleep over. Her mom called all the various girls she "hung out" with and invited them for a surprise party. At this time in our lives we all kind of had a mixed lot of friends. We had our old elementary school crowd. Our new Middle school friends. Friends from activities church etc. Well Shannens mom melted us all together into one big pot. This as it turns out, was the recipe for a lasting friendship among 8 girls. I know during the party I wondered if I was the "odd girl out". Maybe everyone did. So as the clock ticked into the night - we may have all been surprised by the stories that started to flow out of each of us. Who had a crush on who, turned into deeper concerns. Among us we had been through divorces, abuse, unemployment, to name a few. We all had ghosts in our closet we found, and it seemed to help to hear that everyone did. That night we named ourselves "the reunion". We remained friends throughout high school and of course promised to keep in touch when we headed off to college. For the most part we did e-mailing, meeting for dinner here and there. We all knew each others basic info. Who worked where, who had kids and how many, who moved far away and who stayed in our old home town.

It has been 17 years since that day and we just held our first overnite reunion. I was leaving my family for the first overnite since my first child was born. This was scary and exciting. What worried me even more was how it would feel to spend a night with these ladies again. I knew not the women they had become, just the girls I once knew. I was about to find out if the promise to always be friends could really be kept.

I was happy to find that everyone was not only exactly the same, but completley different. Those who were a little wild in their youth, were now conservative with their own children. Those who I thought might always have their head in the clouds, were now very down to earth.
Again we shared our lives raising some of the same issues we had discussed so many years ago. The best part is we all still welcomed each other with the open minds and open hearts we had in our youth. Friendship is a truly beautiful thing. I will try to remeber that feeling next time I worry that it has been a little to long to call.

vacation???

We are about to depart for the typical family vacation. I have spent 2 days packing, buying supplies, cleaning, doing laundry, getting the oil changed on the car etc. Is it just me or is this more bother than it is worth? I'm sure we will be making lasting memories blah blah blah... but what I really need right now is a nap.

vacation??

me and the girls 

lets give a go

Well I guess I am a band wagon jumper. All this talk about blogging and I thought I might as well give it a go. Being a stay at home Mom currently, I am occasionally desperate to have someone to talk to who is over the age of 3. Maybe this will satisfy a need to be heard. Maybe I will never write another blog again because everytime I get on the computer someone yells I want to play a kids game or starts wacking on the keys. I guess as with most things, only time will tell.